Not quite but almost.

I tried doing a big workout today. I even tried twice! I didn't quite succeed. This sounds like a list of excuses and I'm determined to do better. I'm afraid to push myself because I know how dark it can get in my mind but I'm sick of doing half things and not getting results. I want a boost and I want to see things changing. I know that I can, I just need to actually do!

When I work hospitality, I see a lot of change in my body. Perhaps instead of going back to work and abusing myself, I could try to find a medium. Do a bit more cardio, a little more lifting and core work. And watch my diet a little more - portion control, generally not binging or treating myself too much. Try and emulate what I do when I'm working hospitality except without the bad parts like not sleeping, eating badly or not at all.

I feel like portion control is a big one here. I feel like I generally make relatively healthy decisions and honestly I don't think my body minds too much if I mix up the food here or there. The problem comes when I'm free so I'm always eating, or when I indulge on how much I'm consuming. Eating out and eating with my boyfriend results in me always eating a lot, and it's a hanger-on from hospitality as well because eating infrequently caused me to start eating more when I could because I didn't know when I would get to eat again. Now that I have a bit of routine and reliability, I can afford to have small meals because I know I'm going to have the opportunity to eat again in a short amount of time. So perhaps I need to start planning a little better. What if:

8.30am - oats, but slightly smaller portion. Eat at home before I go to work.

11am - smaller portion of oats, boiled eggs.

1pm - lunch, wild rice with grilled chicken and steamed veg. 1/2 to 2/3 of what I'm currently eating.

3.30pm - piece of fruit, edamame, some nuts or something savoury.

5pm - half of dinner. same as lunch or similar.

7.30pm - dinner; noodles in soup or rice with toppings. 1/2 of what I'm currently eating.

9pm - hot tea



That diet looks a lot like a strict one from the books and magazines that we read. Funny how that's actually what I usually eat. Obviously when I go out, I don't eat like this. But that's okay I think. If I use this as a guideline and try to keep from being indulgent every time I go out, I'll be alright. And then comes the actual physical movement in order to see a difference! Can't expect my muscles to tone themselves I guess. I wish!

I was talking to my sister and thought perhaps I should look at setting some tangible goals rather than just feeling guilty enough to work out. If I were to be honest, my biggest things right now are my thighs and butt, my stomach and my arms. They all need more tonage. I want strength more than anything and then I also want some appearance-based change.